


Stop Doing What?

by AoSfangirl81



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Character Death, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Fitzsimmons Secret Valentine, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Consent, Making Out, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:28:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9807242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoSfangirl81/pseuds/AoSfangirl81
Summary: Based off the prompt, “Do you ever think that, maybe, we should stop doing this?” Some canon compliant, some canon divergent, some sorta AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leopoldjamesfitz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leopoldjamesfitz/gifts).



> Happy Secret Valentine to lizziehenstridges (mysticalmemories on AO3)! She gave me this amazing prompt (one among many awesome ones to choose from!) and I couldn’t actually settle on one story, so I decided to give a few mini-fics based on the same prompt. Thanks for playing along, and I hope you enjoy!

“Do you ever think that, maybe,” Fitz grunts as he pulls the red pants up over his waist, noting how this is the third year in a row where the waistband feels tighter than the previous year, “we should stop doing this?” 

Jemma gasps. “Babe, this has been our tradition! We can’t just give it up! We’ve been doing it for so long!” 

Fitz smiles fondly at her, buttoning up his coat. “I know, Jem, but I’m pretty positive they know what’s going on. Peggy definitely does, but she plays along for Damian’s sake.” 

Jemma grimaces and sighs. “She is getting a little too old for this, isn’t she? But she’s only six! How old were you when you stopped believing?” 

“I honestly don’t even remember… But you have to admit that we raise genius children who see past our tricks pretty quickly. Bloody karma is what it is,” Fitz grumbles as he puts on the beard and hat. He turns towards her. “So...how do I look?”

Jemma breaks out into a huge grin as Fitz stands in front of her in his Santa costume. It began as a fun game to keep Peggy occupied while Jemma finished wrapping her presents. It worked so beautifully the first year that they decided to keep it up, even after Damian was born. But Fitz was right, she could see the doubt in Peggy’s eyes when they talked of Santa this year. “You look fantastic. Perfect. Brilliant.” 

He notices the hint of sadness in her voice and slowly envelops her in a hug. “I know it’s tough, love, but our kids are growing up. It just means we have to start thinking of new traditions to start. Maybe ones that aren’t based on fictional characters?” he jokes.

She pulls back and swats at his shoulder, quickly brushing a tear away. “Fine, fine. This can be the last year. But that means you need to make it count!” she warns. He nods solemnly, “It’ll be my best performance yet.” He gives her a quick kiss, his beard tickling her face, and heads towards the back door, giving Jemma her cue. She heads back into the living room, takes a moment to just admire their two beautiful children, sitting on the floor playing, and then starts. “Wait… do you two hear that noise? I think someone is out in the front! Go to the window! Do you see anything?”


	2. Chapter 2

“Do you ever think that, maybe, we should stop doing this?” 

The question comes out of nowhere, but Jemma feels like it’s been surrounding them, slowly suffocating them for months, probably years if she thinks hard enough. But she doesn’t, because that would mean re-hashing every time this has happened, and she doesn’t have the emotional energy to do that on her best days, let alone a day like today. So, today she winces (is it the antiseptic or the question?) and decides to play stupid. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Fitz.” 

He sighs as he gently places the bandage on her arm. He hates this part, the part where he has to deal with blood and cuts and bandages, yet he’s always so gentle with her. _Too much practice, she thinks grimly_. “This is, what, the fourth time in two months that I’ve cleaned up your latest gash or bash from an unexpected fight? And if you add my injuries in there,” he gestures towards his knee, still bandaged and braced from a recent incident, “we’re getting into the double digits.” Finished with the bandage, he looks up at her. “It’s just… when is it enough?” Letting the question hang in the air, he moves to put away the first aid kit.

On a better day, she might have played along with the vague and general questions, but today is not one of those days and her patience is dangerously thin. But she knows it, and even worse, she knows what he’s trying to get at. So she tries to keep her patience in check. “Babe.” Jemma sighs, bringing her hands to her temples to massage her headache away ( _I really should check for a concussion, she thinks idly_ ), “It’s been a long day. Can we skip to the point?” 

Across the lab, he sighs and looks down at the table, bracing his arms against it as he wills the courage to say the words that have been nagging at him, clawing their way up his throat, sitting on the tip of his tongue every time they talk. “I think… I think we should examine the possibility of leaving SHIELD.” 

He lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding and looks up at her, afraid of the reaction he’ll get. He knows he’s springing this on her, that he’s never mentioned it before, but he was waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring it up. Another thing that their life with SHIELD never really affords them.

Jemma blinks, looking like a deer in headlights. “Leave… leave SHIELD?” She asks incredulously. “Fitz, this is all we’ve ever known… what we’ve built our whole lives around….” She gestures wildly around the lab, trying to make her point.

“Yeah, and it’s been an adventure, Jem,” he starts, moving back towards her, “but I’m just… I’m so... tired. Tired of the close calls.” She looks closer at him, sees the stress, the fatigue in his features. She thinks back to the young man he was when they first entered the Bus. To the endlessly energetic if painfully awkward boy she met at the Academy. Has he always looked this tired? He takes her hands in his and continues. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” (She knows this, feels the exact same way, but still her heart flutters whenever she hears the words.) Her features immediately soften. “And sometimes…” he continues, “Sometimes I wonder if that life would last a little longer outside of SHIELD.”

Jemma lets the words sink in. A life outside of SHIELD. She’s never even thought of what that would be like. Sure, she’s had daydreams of Perthshire, but somehow she always just assumed SHIELD would be part of that. So much of her life, almost half of her entire life, really, has been about SHIELD. Could she really do anything else, knowing what she knows now? After what she’s seen? What would that even look like? 

Fitz sees the wheels turning in her head and pushes on, unable to keep the words from tumbling out now that the dam is broken. “And… and maybe it’s not _leaving_ SHIELD. Maybe just leaving the field. Now that SHIELD is legit again, what if we looked at other options? Maybe the Academy?” Jemma raises an eyebrow in interest. She can’t deny the draw she feels towards teaching, especially at the Academy. Going back to where it all began for her, working with the next generation of agents, shaping those minds… Jemma leans against the table behind her and crosses her arms, carefully avoiding her newly bandaged cut. “I mean, we could still consult if we were really needed…” she muses. Fitz turns to stand next to her and nods excitedly. “See? We’d still have some action… just considerably less action and considerably less close calls...in theory, at least.” 

Jemma nods in agreement. “It does sound lovely. Honestly, I’d never considered it before. We never really seem to have time to plan for the future…” she lays her head on his shoulder, suddenly feeling exhausted by all of it. She yawns, feeling the familiar post-emergency adrenaline crash. “We could still be in touch with everyone here…” Fitz nods, adding, “We could have weekly Skype dinners with Daisy.” Jemma smiles and nods, feeling her eyelids begin to droop. 

Fitz notices her leaning more and more against him and he kisses the top of her head. Recognizing that the seed has been planted and he wasn’t going to get much farther tonight, he wraps his arm around her and starts to lead her out of the lab towards their bunk “Let’s think about it, yeah?” She nods her head and hums in agreement. 

And not much later, as Jemma lay soundly asleep next to him, her steady breathing serving as Fitz’s lifeline, he can’t help but stay up just a little longer to write a quick note to Agent Weaver (copying Jemma, of course), just to put some basic feelers out there and get them one step closer to a safer life.


	3. Chapter 3

“Do you ever think that, maybe, we should stop doing this?” 

Her hesitant voice breaks through the haze and he gives her a puzzled look. The wind picks up and she gently slips her arm in his and pulls him closer to her side. “Visiting every week. It’s been almost a year now, Fitz.” New tears form in his eyes as he looks back down at the gravestone. Trying to fill the silence, she continues. “It’s just… I don’t know that he would want….this….” 

Fitz stiffens at the insinuation and can’t stop himself from biting back, “Well, we don’t know what he would want, Jemma, do we? What, with the whole being dead part…” He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, immediately embarrassed that he couldn’t hold his temper just this once. 

Jemma takes in a breath, showing patience that he’s certain he doesn’t deserve. “I know, I know. And I miss him...so much. It’s just… I don’t think he’d want us to stop living our lives just because he’s gone…” A tear runs down her cheek as she turns to him. “We still have our life, Fitz.” 

He looks at her and lets out a shuddering breath as he feels the knot in his throat tighten a little. “I know… I just...I don’t know how else to honor him… to honor his life… how it ended…” His voice breaks on that last word, thinking back to how Mack died, giving his life for the team. He didn’t even hesitate to make the decision, and suddenly it was too late to stop him as he charged ahead, giving them the distraction they needed to get to safety. “If we’re not remembering what he did, then he did it in vain.”

Jemma nods in understanding. “Well… I think… I think he would want us spending time remembering the good times with him, remembering how he lived, not just how he died. And I think he would want us to be happy. That’s how we honor his sacrifice- by living the full and happy lives he wanted us to have.”

Fitz’s face crumbles at those words as new tears start to fall. Jemma pulls him into a hug, running her hand through his hair and whispering calming words into his ear. With his face still buried in her neck, he whispers his deepest fear, hoping that maybe she won’t even hear it. “What if I wasn’t worth the sacrifice?” 

Jemma’s heart breaks at his words and she pulls back, pulling his face close to hers so she can look him in the eye. “Fitz,” she whispers fiercely, “You are always worth it.” He starts to pull away, uncomfortable with the fierceness, the loyalty he sees in her eyes. “No!” she says, keeping his face close to hers. “You need to hear this. You may not believe it today, but Fitz… you have so much to give to this world. And not just your brains. Your heart, your kindness, your loyalty…. You will always be worth it.” She kisses him hard, hoping to pour all of the conviction and love she has into one kiss. As she breaks away, she adds, “And I plan to spend the rest of my days convincing you of that.” 

Fitz sniffles a bit and nods. He doesn’t believe her quite yet, about his worthiness, and she knows that. She can see it in his eyes. But he does believe she’ll be by his side for the rest of their days, and that’s enough for now. The rest they can work on, together.

He clears his throat and turns back towards the gravestone, putting his arm around her shoulders. “Right, then,” he says, hoping to draw the attention away from him. Taking Jemma’s words to heart, he continues, “So, what’s your favorite Mack story?” 

Jemma smiles up at him. “Did I ever tell you about the first conversation he and I had about you?” Fitz shakes his head, intrigued. Jemma gently laughs and continues, “He was so protective of you...it was adorable…”


	4. Chapter 4

“Do you ever think,” she gasps as his teeth graze her pulse point, “that, maybe, we should stop doing this?” 

His hands still against her waist, no longer pulling her shirt from her pants. He pulls back and stares at her, pupils blown wide with desire. “This? Now? You want to talk about this now?” She can barely hear him over the whizzes and whirls of the Playground’s server room.

Her chest is heaving and her neck feels cold from his absence. She realizes she’s dangerously close to killing the mood and she desperately wants to feel his lips against her again. “No, we… we don’t… I…” She bounces on her heels and lets out a frustrated groan. “Never mind,” she breathes as she pulls him back to her and kisses him hungrily. 

He smiles against the kiss at her eagerness and continues to pull at her shirt allowing his hands to grab at her bare waist. She moans at the feeling and pulls him closer, allowing her hips to grind against his. Why does she need to go off and ruin things? They were having a perfectly pleasant snog. No need to complicate things. He slowly moves his lips towards her earlobe, nibbling gently as his hands move up her back. She sighs into his ear. But the knot in her stomach starts to grow and she knows she needs to finish what she started. He continues to work down her neck and she tries again. “I don’t mean stop...I, just...It...It means a lot to me that we’re friends again and I.. um…” 

Fitz chuckles into her neck as he continues to kiss, “Yeah, ‘friends,’” he mocks as he starts to work at undoing her bra. She huffs. When did he get so cocky and confident about this? Any other day, that would have made her putty in his hands, but she’s trying to stay focused today. She feels him deftly undo her bra and knows what comes next, knows her quickly crumbling resolve will dissolve into nothingness with these next few moves. 

It’s happened over a dozen times since Fitz returned from his brief stint outside of SHIELD, since their uneasy truce to get Fury’s toolbox off the base and back into Coulson’s hands. It started in the lab, with Fitz regaling her with his tales of shaking the agents who were following him, shyly thanking her for the sandwich and then bragging about how Hunter had to pull him off Ward. She wasn’t quite sure the exact moment of his heroics that broke the dam for her, but she suddenly pulled him out of his seat and crushed her lips against his. It only took a second for him to respond. That led to her dragging him into a storage closet to continue and… well… it’s been happening a lot ever since. But she needs to make sure he knows where she stands.

She sighs and gently pushes him back a bit so she can look him in the eye. “No,” she sighs. “Really, it does. It’s just…” she sees the confusion in his eyes, knows he has no idea where she’s going. _Just spit it out!_ she yells at herself. She tears her eyes from his to get the rest out. “I want more than this,” she quickly says. “More than just snogging. You’re more than that.” She forces herself to look him in the eye as she tries out his words, hoping he understands what she’s saying. It takes a moment for him to process, but she sees the light dawning in his eyes as he comprehends. As he opens his mouth to respond, they hear a noise coming from the server room entrance. 

"Fitz?" Coulson calls out. "Are you down here?" 

They leap apart as Jemma scrambles to tuck her shirt back in. "Ah, yeah, sir. Right here." Fitz responds, his voice cracking. 

Coulson rounds a bank of servers to find FitzSimmons studiously not looking at each other as they plug and unplug random wires. "Great. We need you on this next mission. Wheels up in five." 

"Yes, sir," Fitz responds. He looks at Jemma and as soon as he locks eyes with her, he looks away before she can read him. He abruptly turns and quickly heads towards the exit, leaving Jemma by herself to recover from the emotional whiplash. She takes a deep breath, wipes a few errant tears away, smooths her hair down, and slowly leaves the server room, more uncertain than ever.


	5. Chapter 5

“Do you ever think,” he pants, trying to catch his breath, “that, maybe,” he gasps for more air, “we should stop doing this?” 

Jemma stops running and turns to Fitz, who has stopped in the middle of the track, doubled over with his hands on his knees, gasping for air. “Ugh, Fitz,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Our field assessments are in less than a month! We have to get in shape!” She wipes the sweat from her brow and wipes her hands on her running pants. They had barely finished three kilometers, for goodness sake.

A few Operations agents speed past them. “Yeah,” he wheezes, looking up at her, “But...do we? What’s so wrong with our safe lab at Sci Ops?” 

Jemma walks next to Fitz and grabs him by the arm, pulling him along, “Less talk, more running. We can slow down a bit if you want.” She raises an eyebrow, challenging him. He groans and straightens out, knowing it’s not worth fighting her at this point. The least he can do is set the pace. He starts at a very easy jog. “You still haven’t answered the question,” he points out to her.

“Fitz,” Jemma says, starting to pant herself from trying to talk and jog at the same time. “We need to be ready for anything.” She pauses for a breath. “The perfect…*pant*... opportunity could come to us at any... ...moment. An opportunity to see the world… ...wouldn’t that be amazing?”

He looks over at her and sees the excitement in her eyes and, for the tenth time since they’ve started this conversation weeks ago, it’s infectious. He can’t help but wonder what it’d be like to live outside of their safe cocoon. It terrifies him, of course, but there is a certain excitement that even he can’t deny. Plus, he knows they can do anything together, so if she’s in, so is he. 

But that doesn’t mean he has to let her think he’d give in so easily. “I just… ... can’t imagine… ... what could be so amazing as to… .... take us away from Sci Ops. We could… ... do real good from here… ...you know.” 

“I know, I know,” she responds, picking up the pace just a bit (like he wouldn’t notice). “I wouldn’t want us… ... to just leave for… ... for just anything. It’d have to be something truly… ... extraordinary…”

She stops them to take a drink from her water bottle. “I can’t keep talking......and running, Fitz. Maybe once we’ve done this for a few more weeks… ... but not yet.” His eyes bug out at the thought of continuing this for weeks as she hands him the bottle. “But how about this,” she suggests, taking a pause to catch her breath more. “Three more kilometers, and then we head back to the apartment for your favorite sandwich?” He eyes her as he takes a sip, clearly interested. She continues, “I just made a fresh batch of aioli last night…” 

She starts to break out her doe eyes, but before she gets to full on pleading, Fitz rolls his eyes. “Fine. _Three_ more kilometers, but then I get to add the aioli to my sandwich myself,” he counters. She grins and pats him on the shoulder. “Deal. OK, let’s go!” She grabs the bottle from him and takes off down the track. Fitz rolls his eyes and does his best to picture the sandwich waiting for him at the finish line.


End file.
